Oh Dad how much I need a home to sit down and call my own. How much I need a place where I can lie around and know is my own space. How hard it has been to have left my childhood pad to only roam around the world and find out that all of the rest only amounted to the current fad.
My heart longs for a place that I can rest and find my own. I wonder where is my home. I look at pictures on the internet of fire places lit up, cozy couches, warm rooms, inviting surroundings and yet I know that even if I had those I would still not be at home, yet I long to be able to find that place I call my own.
Some times I think that the small 12 year old boy that left home in search of someone else’s dream has been trying to find his way home ever since. Thinking that the fulfillment of the dream, whatever that was and is, would be what would finally bring me back to where I was supposed to be.
I search and realize each day that the dream is only an illusion of my own. A lie that was passed down all the way from that tree long ago. Is funny what once was the driving force in my life each time I now close my eyes seems to be an even weaker puff of steam. Slowly but surely I am loosening the grip over what I for so long found the reason to wake up for and try again.
I am scared daddi. I don’t know what to replace this fallen illusion with apart from what you can give to me….will it be enough? Will it give me the same buzz? Will it help me to sleep well at night? Will it be my guiding northern star? I guess this is why is called faith. I take one step at a time and hope that your hand will be there to hold me up as it did today even though it sure didn’t feel like at times…
Here is to you my invisible companion, friend, and Dad. Is amazing how easy it can be in this life to miss that what is closest to us…if I do that again today please forgive me as I am just another child of yours beginning to understand and see that place within me I can confidently call my eternal home.
Now that you have had a front row seat into my inner world be easy on yourself for as you can see the journey is long but thank God that the faithfulness of the One that leads us there is assured!
Remember Grace works because it doesn’t depend on us to make it work!
-pablo-
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